So little space!
So, first, tour ended really well. A lot of drama came with the end of tour though. Most of you heard about how I have several guys trying to talk to me, and I was getting a little overwhelmed. One guy in particular I liked a good bit, and he was the cause of the tour drama. He broke up with his girlfriend because he talked to me and she saw and she got mad. All he told me was that security was at the party. But he thought that she was being ridiculous so he broke up with her. Then he started talking to me, and we were talking, but over tour he and I decided to just be friends. Well, that lasted all of a couple of days before he was talking to me as more than a friend again. That upset me some because I don’t want a relationship, and neither did he, but he kept pushing boundaries. Even though I knew that he was keeping the door open with his ex, who also happens to be his best friend. Well, I got upset and told him that he had to choose. That he couldn’t keep both doors open. He had to shut one. I knew that he would choose his ex. I’m not his type to be honest, and when I think about it, he’s not my type either. I would actually hold him accountable for the things that he did, she doesn’t, didn’t and wouldn’t. I would stand up for myself and my values. She doesn’t, didn’t and wouldn’t. She would be more forgiving, she would come back time and time again, and she would always love him no matter what he did. I can’t do that. Treat me poorly and I’m not forgetting or coming back. I can’t do that to myself anymore. I have to stand up for myself now, and I finally did, and it feels so good. To be free of a bad situation before I got hurt is amazing. And I had control. That’s the best part. I had a choice, and I was able to make it. I’m feeling like I’m starting to know how to hold to my values, and take care of myself.
What started my stand against this boy? A good friend looked at me one night at told me that if I started dating this guy that she would slap me silly because I am much too good looking for an average looking guy like him. She said “you are gorgeous enough to get any guy on this campus” and that was a self esteem boost that I really needed. I realize that looks aren’t everything, but her comment made me realize that this guy is bad for me in other ways. I am making a list of all the qualities I want in my future boyfriend, and I hope I can stick to it.
1) NO drugs. Whatsoever. Non-negotiable. That’s a complete non-starter. I can’t stand drug use. I think it’s stupid, and it’s illegal. I have no tolerance for that kind of thing in my men.
2) NO smoking. I mean, come on. The smell makes me sick. Duh I couldn’t handle my guy smoking.
3) He must believe in God. That’s important, and his relationship with God should be really important to him. He should want me to have a strong relationship with God too. I’ve realized that I have my own relationship with God, and while it may not be solely expressed in my church going habits, I know where my relationship with God is. It’s more of a private relationship. I feel close to God when I play the piano, or sing, or listen to music. I feel closer to God when I’m practicing alone, soaking in the sounds of the keyboard or the reverberations of the room.
That was a tangent. Moving on!
4) A desire to learn is important too. I want him to strive to be the best he can be, like I am, including in academics. Looking at the family I grew up in, scholarly leanings are something that I hold dear to my heart. It’s important to always be curious and driven.
5) He’s got to be ok with my baby. My amber is so important to me, and anyone who can’t take both of us, can’t have me. We’re a package deal.
6) Respect. Me, my family, his family, the whole shebang. And himself. He has to be respectful. I am so done with guys who call my family members names. My sisters are beautiful, my brother is brilliant, my momma is loving, and my daddy is crazy fun. I wouldn’t be who I am without them. I can’t imagine a life without any of them. They make me whole, drive me insane, and hold me together when I can’t anymore. We are crazy, beautiful, loving, brilliant, fun, quirky, and downright wonderful. And that’s my family. If a guy can’t take every single one of us, then he can’t have me.
7) He has to love me. For every single one of my flaws. My family does, so he has to as well.
8) He has to be good with kids and dogs, cause heaven knows I am going to have both.
9) If he doesn’t like the outdoors, he can find a new girl. I like camping and hiking and beach going and lake swimming and running, and snowman building and playing and swinging and walking and tree climbing. And if he doesn’t like to do that stuff then I will be more than slightly miffed.
10) He has to take care of himself. He has to eat right, exercise, and treat his body right. If he can’t take care of himself like I take care of myself, then I don’t want him. I like being in shape and looking good, I want a man who wants to be healthy and in good shape.
There’s so much more I can say, but this bus ride is coming to a close, and I know that I’ve covered at least the basics of my list. I’m so glad to have gotten all of this off my chest though. I am looking forward to this summer and all the opportunities that have been opened up to me through Lutheridge. I can’t wait to see what The Lord has in store for me, and I can’t wait to be apart of his plan and working for the glory of his name. Through him I have my strength, and I know that if I put my trust in The Lord he will provide for me. He will show me my path step by step, and hopefully down a ways, my path merges with that of a man that will support my every dream and will make my life better through his love of God and me.
Goodnight all! I love you, and God bless you
scmauney 